At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
