i just made my gag reflex go away.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
