the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
