i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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