escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
