You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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