The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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