Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My cat gives me a boner
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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