That's when you crack a 10am beer
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize