but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
