Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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