everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
