..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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