on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
