Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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