I wish I could teleport
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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