just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
