I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
