Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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