this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
