guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
