My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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