I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
