I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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