I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize