and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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