I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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