I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
someone owes me an orgasm
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
