We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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