the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
