I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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