so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize