i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
