Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My vagina is officially offended.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
