how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize