we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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