R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
