On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize