I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
