How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
