I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
