hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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