I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
