I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
