He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
