I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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