I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
