my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
