After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
