i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
