we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
