Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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