just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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