To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
