chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
