Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
