he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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