Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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