I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
