It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I know her cup size but not her name....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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