I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
