just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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