youre lurking in front of me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I didn't notice because vodka
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
