just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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