Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
