Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
