why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
How's work?
Spinning.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
