Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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