hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
