There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
