This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
