Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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