Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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