Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
