none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
