Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
