I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
