Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
