so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
