K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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