I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
