You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
